Good morning everyone! What is up? What is the 4-11? GET IT?! Because it’s April 11?
Whatever. I think it’s funny! God, I crack myself up. WHAT A COMEDIENNE!!
How was everyone’s week? I had these amazing intentions to blog up a STORM but…looks like that didn’t happen. Whoops. But I definitely thought about it so that counts, right?
Next week! There’s always next week!
And what’s up for the weekend? I’m going to New Jersey tonight to meet a friend for dinner and then returning to Brooklyn and then going back to New Jersey tomorrow for a wedding (First of 9 for 2014!) so it should be quite the whirlwind. I was actually in New Jersey last weekend, too, visiting another friend.
Basically just call me JWoww. I’m all about that Jerz.
And now, because I’m writing this on Friday AM while I should be working, as I chose TV and painting my nails over blogging last night (I mean…partying! I was partying!) so I need to be quite quick about this. Let’s take a look back at what was keeping it awkward this week.
I am a total sucker for coupons and customer reward bonuses. I know they’re basically a huge marketing scam but consider me scammed. If you mark something 2 for 1 or coupon it up I will probably buy it. Especially cosmetic products. I don’t know the reasoning behind this but I am ALL IN for discounted lotions and sprays.
This week I had to go to CVS to pick up a prescription and oh look, also had $2.50 extra bucks on my ExtraCare Card (copyright CVS, probably) plus a whole bunch of coupons so I RACED over there and loaded my arms with discounted products: three canisters of shave gel, a family pack of toothbrushes (Brian’s VERY particular about fresh tooth brushes like, every week. He’s so weird!) and two canisters of my favorite hairspray, marked down to buy one, get one 50% off. BOOM.
My arms were full to the brim and I probably should have gotten a basket but I always think it’s kind of weird to get a basket at the drugstore, I don’t know why, don’t ask. Maybe I just have PTSD for accidentally stealing one that one time?
At any rate long story SO SO extra long, I was waiting in the check-out line, my arms laden with ozone destroying aerosol canisters when a bottle of hairspray fell out of my arms and hit the ground causing the lid to pop off and HIT A BABY STROLLER.
I repeat: HIT A BABY STROLLER.
Ok just the wheel, no one was injured but they could have been!
And now I need to find space in my apartment for my 97 canisters of shave gel and hair spray.
I left my umbrella at my friend’s house over the weekend (housewarming gift for the Manley’s!). It rained on Monday and Brian unearthed this bad boy from the depths of his closet. It worked for about 2.2 seconds until it oh, so didn’t.
I needed to grocery shop on Monday after work and was planning to stop home, drop off my gym bag, pick up my reusable shopping bags and go to the nice grocery store a few blocks away from my apartment. But my commute home was a mess and I got impatient and decided I’d just get out a stop earlier than my usual and go to the other, grosser, lamer store on the way to my house, just to save time.
For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to buy the heaviest foods – canned beans, potatoes, gallons of milk – on the day I didn’t have any sturdy bags, so on my walk home I somehow had to juggle six extremely heavy plastic bags, all on the verge of breaking, plus my gym bag, plus my umbrella, which essentially snapped in half one second after I walked out of the door, so that I was basically holding a stick with a floppy napkin above my head.
I struggled the short walk back to my apartment. Two blocks away from home a nice gentleman did stop to ask if I needed help but I was close enough to make it, so I declined. One block away from my house a less nice gentleman saw how burdened I was, shook his head and said “sorry.”
Sorry?! FOR WHAT?! Are you going to offer to help? Put up or shut up, my fine friend.
I finally made it to my door where I abandoned the groceries at the bottom of the steps and demanded that my nice gentleman go bring them up for me.
What a mess.
Semi related, I just stopped in the drug store next to my office to buy a new umbrella, as today’s forecast calls for rain and that green number certainly isn’t going to cut it. They usually have a big display out but today I could only find one. I got to the register and the cashier told me the umbrella + tax came to $32.
WHAT THE WHAT. I told her to “cancel that order” and ran out of the store.
I’m LOVING this warm weather, don’t get me wrong, but it’s hard to know exactly how to dress for days when it’s 30 degrees colder in the morning than it is at lunch time. So I’m taking the layered approach: cardigan over a cardigan made infinitely sexier by the Melanie-Griffith-in-Working-Girl bright white sneakers for my commute.
Also This Other Ensemble:
Was racing around to get to a work event when I managed to squirt under eye concealer all over my shirt. Turns out, the one thing concealer does not conceal is itself.
As you know, I love a good superfood as much as the next cliched blogger and chia seeds are still pretty much the hottest thing going. I’ve been trying to cut down on my sugar intake, so when I saw recipes popping up for sugar free, dairy free chia seed pudding, I was all about that life.
I found a recipe via A Beautiful Mess that promised to be easy. Simply mix chia seeds, coconut milk, vanilla extract and a pinch of salt in a bowl or glass. Chill for a while and boom: delicious, healthy dessert.
If done right, it should look like the photo above.
Mine looked a little more like this:
And tasted horrible. The milk never really thickened and the seeds stayed crunchy and it was just like, a bowl of the worst seedy, watery puddingy grossness you ever ate in your whole life.
And by ever ate I mean, literally ate because even thought it was grotesque, I still ate about half the bowl. WHY. Why oh why?
I’m still not giving up on the chia pudding though, guys. If at first you don’t succeed, etc etc etc. Eating trendy healthy foods not only makes my body feel better but also helps me maintain a sense of superiority over others (real talk) so I will perfect this recipe if it’s the last thing I do.
Foodie pals – help a sister out!
Also, for the record, I know now that Almond Breeze non dairy milks have carageenan in them which is apparently horrible for you and to be avoided but none of the other non carageenan-filled brands had unsweetened milk and I couldn’t decide if artificial sweeteners were worse than carageenan so I just panicked and went with what I know I like. It was very stressful. Eating healthy is really hard! And I’m a yuppie white lady who is obsessed with reading about food so imagine how much more difficult it must be for people without access to all of the resources I have to obtain the right foods.
Just something to think about! Friday morning rant!
SHUT. IT. DOWN.
And that was my week. I don’t think any of these stories made much sense but you know what? Life doesn’t make sense. All I know is, it’s Friday, I’m having a great hair day, and if I don’t get to work like, immediately, I am in deep trouble. So the end!
Have a most spectacular weekend, my fine friends! Don’t forget to pack a (working!) umbrella!
xoxoxo Liz Ho