Gobble, Gobble, Turkeys! Who’s excited for Thanksgiving?
I’m pumped UP! Get at me, stuffing.
To be honest, I’ve actually been a little anxious about the impending holiday (LOL, who me? Anxious? Well I nevah!). We’re squeezing a lot into a few short days: first in NJ with Brian’s parents,then down to Philly to stay at my sister’s & do a second turkey dinner and thennnn go up to my hometown in PA to attend my 10 Year High School reunion, for which I have been very actively involved in the planning committee because I have sucker printed big & bold on my forehead, apparently, and then back up to NYC on Sunday to return to the real world.
These are all wonderful things and will be great fun, but I’ve been worried, I have! This is the first year that Brian & I are doing holidays together – my first Thanksgiving away from my immediate family. I know this is just life and adulthood and I need to nut up and get over it, but it feels strange. I’m at once excited and a little bit sad, mourning the end of The Way Things Always Are, instead of eagerly looking ahead to building a new family unit with Brian. I don’t want either of our families to feel left out or given the short end of the deal.Then, this reunion, which can’t be a failure because everyone from high school will hate me! Which…why do I care? I shouldn’t, but I do. I don’t want to let anyone down. Anywhere. Ever!
I just want everyone to be happy and for everything to be perfect all the time forever and an eternity, amen. Is that too much to ask?!
Probably. Mayhaps (an excellent, underused word!) I should be using my brainspace to focus on the good, rather than dramatically worry? MAYHAPS!
And so, in no particular order and certainly not complete, a few things I am thankful for this year:
First and Foremost: Cheesy Clipart
The 3 F’s: My Family, Friends and Fiance (!)
A few more F’s: French Fries, Fresh Flowers, Farmers Markets, Fleece, Feminism, Forks and Frosties (of the latter, I haven’t had one in years, but I’m just thankful to know they exist.)
Hulu Plus
Hiking Trails (& strong legs for those mountain climbs!)
Sandwiches
My Covered Wagon Lamp
Taylor Swift
The Color Green
Decorative Gourds
And, of course: all you weirdos who let me rant and rave and tell strange stories on the internet and somehow find that entertaining. Y’all complete me, you really, really do.
So for you, for YOU I say, why don’t we stop being so damn earnest and get funky fresh. A quick look at what was keeping it awkward this short, carbo-laden week.
These Groceries:
Over the weekend, I stopped by the market to pick up some fresh healthy business because it is a known scientific FACT that if you eat at least one piece of fruit every day for the week before Thanksgiving, you can then have allll the pie and potatoes and wine and you will actually lose weight! Total true fact, gang.
I was walking out of the store when an onion fell down in front of me and I sort of kicked it with my foot, across the street.
I assumed it had just fallen out of the top of the bag. I laughed, picked it up and kept walking.
NOOOOOPE. Turns out the bottom of the bag had ripped open and suddenly all of my groceries went cascading onto the sidewalk. Apparently I had only purchased round foods, so they then went rolling in all directions. I scrambled around on my hands and knees on the dirty sidewalk, chasing after apples and lemons and onions, oh my!
A man actually walked past me and said “you a mess, girl.”
OH AM I? No duh, neighbor. Charmed, I’m sure.
It probably didn’t help that I was sporting this get-up, in public:
Oh yes. That’d be moccassins (with a hole in one toe), Valentine’s Day socks pulled up OVER leggings, a neon blue t-shirt and severely greasy hair all topped off by that food-stained, grotesque zip-up hoodie which should never be allowed out of the house. I actually acquired that beautiful specimen on a first date many a years back. The guy was polite enough to give me his jacket when I was cold…but not so polite as to ever call me again, so I got to keep the sweatshirt. Booyah. I should don’t know if I should feel like, insulted that I never heard from this guy, but c’mon, dude wore a poop-colored sweatshirt on a first date…nothing to waste too many tears on.
This Plastic Bag:
Remember that guy from American Beauty who was all obsessed with the beauty of plastic bags blowing in the wind? Well, imagine how many more Oscars that film would have won if one of the plastic bags had blown up and hit a beautiful young (ish) lady right in the face as she was walking to dinner.
Imagine THAT!
Just look at that bastard, hanging out in a tree, taunting me. I’ll get you back, bag. Never rest. When you least expect it: oh, I’ll be there.
Other inanimate objects getting all up in my business this week…
This Umbrella:
I came home from the movies late last night (Catching Fire! One Million Stars! Movie of the Year!) and it was a torrential downpour outside. I closed my umbrella when I came in the building and went to leave it outside of my apartment door, to dry. I guess I dropped it way hard and it landed riiiight on the top which somehow caused a chain reaction, forcing the umbrella to POP open, smacking into my shins and causing me to trip into my front door.
I almost died. Right there in my own doorway. I’d NEVER make it in the Hunger Games.
And that’s my week! Short and sloppy. Just like I like my turkeys.
What are YOU thankful for this year?!!!
Wishing a very Happy Thanksgiving, to all near and far. Strangers or friends. Or foes! Even foes! Have you ever called someone a foe in real life? Like “oh, that guy over there, he’s my foe.” That’s another word we need to bring back into day to day conversation.
And a Happy Happy Hanukkah to all my Jewish peeps out there. Shalom! Mazel Tov! Other Jewish Words!
xoxoxo Liz Ho
One Awkward Year 