Some Hump Day Musings

Goood morning, my fine friends. I don’t know why I just allowed myself to use the phrase “Hump Day” in place of Wednesday. I hate that stupid term. Just call it Wednesday! It’s not cute.

Anyway, we’re not even halfway to the weekend yet (holding out til the clock strikes noon!) and if you’re anything like me, you’re looking for some midweek distractions. Also, if you’re anything like me: lord help you.

So, in the humpday spirit (ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh), here are just a few things boppin’ around my brain lately that I felt the (unnecessary) need to share, complete with some prettttty solid random stock imagery. This post might change your life! Butttt it probably won’t.

1. I know I’m always late to the kool tunez party and say what you will about Miley Cyrus as a human being (preferably say nothing, actually!) but I just heard Wrecking Ball (finally! I know!) and that song is a J-A-M: JAM.

You do you, Miley! But maybe with a shirt on? Just a thought! xo

Other music I can’t stop listening to: Katy Perry’s Roar,  this song by that Avicii person who is apparently popular with the youths and Lady Antebellum’s entire oeuvre, including their Christmas album because pop country holiday is my new favorite musical genre? Sure why not.

2. I’ve decided on what is the officially worst thing in the world. It is when you get all nice and snuggly in your bed…and then realize you kind of have to pee. And you must decide which is worse: getting out from under the covers and

braving the cold bathroom, or just peeing your bed and living with the consequences. Talk about a Sophie’s Choice, am I right?

(I have never read that book.)

tooth brushing

3. How do you guys feel about toothbrushing in the office? I give it two thumbs way, way, WAY down. It disgusts me wholeheartedly. It is such an intimate and personal activity, to me – the scrubbing, the flying germ particles…THE SPITTING. Oh, the spitting is the worst part. I just do not condone spitting your grotesque mouth contents in a shared restroom, where other people can see you and then have to wash their hands over the same sink. I applaud the effort towards good oral hygiene but I think that 2 times a day, at your own home, is juuust fine. And if you have a halitosis issue, try tic tacs, gum, those weird strips you put on your tongue or even see a dentist. Please do not brush your teeth in the office.

Anyone with me?!

4. My friend Amy just shared this amazing quiz with me: Are You A Walking Disaster? 

The first time I took it I got “Yes, you are a walking disaster!” but think I may have exaggerated a bit, because Amy only came up as a moderate disaster and just last week I had the honor of watching her fall face-first into a field during a bonfire so I’m pretty sure I can’t be that much more disastrous than she is. So I re-tried and came back just Moderate. PHEW.

What are you? This is really important stuff, you guys.

PS: while you’re at Buzzfeed, might I suggest: This Post, or This One, Also THIS LIST and, if you’re feeling brave: this one. 

PSS: love you, Amy!!!

5. And while we’re on the subject of quizzes, I also took this one from Time.com: Which State Matches Your Personality? 

I got Illinois! Apparently The I-Nois (what?) is chock-full of extroverted, friendly neurotics. Sounds AMAZING! Also, my brother lives there! Hi, Mikey-boy, I’m movin’ in!

What state are you? What a weird quiz!

PS: I can’t link to any other articles at Time.com because I’m the worst and think pugs in Halloween costumes > world affairs, bigtime.

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6. And finally, because I know you were curious, the photo above is what my landlady is rocking this Hallowe’en. (Does anyone still spell it like that? It kind of weirds me out.)

Let the holiday season begin!

And that’s that! Happy WEDNESDAY, pals!

xoxoxo Liz Ho

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Tuesday

Things I Meant To Do:

  • Be A Proactive Professional
  • Run
  • Figure out health insurance
  • Salad
  • Write
  • Catch up on New Girl
  • Bed

Things I Actually Did:

  • Spend $60 on wine
  • Salacious gossip
  • Leave work unfinished
  • French Fries

Things I Regret: 

  • Absolutely Nothing. 88d7a678bd0211e2986822000aa8062e_7

 

Some Awkward Housekeeping

Hello, hello! Notice a few changes? You never miss a beat, now do you?!

Please bear with me as I take care of a few blog housekeeping (blog keeping?) / self promotional / organizational items:

Step One in my never ending Operation Good Blogger is to make the layout look a little more presentable so check aaaand check. I’m not 100% sold on this scene but until I can master the ways of web design, which at this rate will be like 2049 at which point we’ll all be living on Mars and I won’t be blogging anyway because I’ll be a famous talk show host / princess / cheesemonger, well, this’ll have to do.

New things to note: The incredible header image, About ME! & Say Hi! pages. (I overuse exclamation points, I am aware) & slightly cleaner layout. If something is in green font, it’s a link, so click away!

Step Two: link this blog to a facebook page for easy self promotion. Donezo. It only took four months but I’m finally linked up. SO, if you would like to, and gee whiz, it sure would mean a lot to me, you can click the button to your right (the one that says “Like me, PLEASE!”) (so subtle and not at all desperate) to ‘like’ One Awkward Year on facebook. The page will automatically update with every new post so you can always stay on top of Liz Ho.

FIGURATIVELY not literally, ya pervs.

Step Three: show off this painfully stunning photo of myself in my younger days, just straight killing it on the mean streets of Charleston, South Carolina.

young liz

I mean, if a more flattering pair of shorts have ever been made, I have yet to see them.

Step Four: Stop talking about all of this boring crap and write? I’m on it, I swear! You know what they say, Patience Is A Virtue!

(But, they also say “A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush” and “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” so you might not want to listen to them, whoever they are, they sound pretty weird and confusing.)

Ok, SO! That is the haps round these parts. Thank you for tuning in to the latest technological developments and, as I say every time I write a dumb placeholder post: stay tuned.

xo Liz Ho

PS: Please do like me on facebook, you know I’m desperate to be loved!

Even Awkward Girls Get the Blues

Hello, my fine friends. I must ask you to bear with me as I get a little self-indulgently dramatic.

After distracting myself for days, I sat down to write tonight and instead just read recipes and sat on my bed and took pictures of myself.

Untitled drawing

Every six months or so I find myself sucked into a spiral of, well, I’m not sure what the spiral is made of, but it feels like a mix of lethargy and melodramatic contemplation. I’m there now and have been for the last week or two. I worry that I’m not in the right career field. I’m unsure of what to direction to take with my blog. I’m anxious about money and my future and I don’t look great in a bathing suit right now and most everyone I know is wearing my last nerve. So I worry and I worry and I mope and I put off making decisions or being productive in favor of blobbish, cranky procrastination.

It’s not a great look on me.

I’ll snap out of it, I always do, but in the meantime, I might be a little quieter this next week or so while I get my ish back together. And when I do, it will be better than ever, I promise you that.

This isn’t me like, asking anyone to feel bad for me, though it kiiiiind of sounds like I’m begging for attention. But when am I not, I mean, really? One of the goals I know I have for this here blog is to keep it real, always, so self-referential and un-funny as it might be, I thought I owed it to myself and to my zillions of fans to well, keep it real, yo. Plus I’ve kinda-sorta come to enjoy the whole blogging community thang, so who better to vent to than your peeps, no?

So that’s what’s up, peeps, and thanks for listening to me mope. I’ll be back soon! Be sure to keep it awkward while I’m gone – I have faith in all of you!

xoxo Liz Ho

Some Awkward Crafts

Good Day to you, my friends. Did everyone have a most excellent Presidents Day? I did indeed! Who is your favorite president? Mine is Grant! Not Ulysses, Fitzgerald.

Who dat?

Oh just the fictional POTUS on the ABC television masterpiece Scandal. What you thought I’d pick a real person? Do you even know me? To be fair, Fitzy G seems like a pretty terrible president and generally awful person BUT he also has copious amounts of intercourse in and around the Oval Office and has a secret dark side and looks great in a navy blue suit. So 4 More Years Fitgzerald Grant!

Whatever. I’m just not a political gal. Know what else I’m not? Asian. Also: crafty.

Crafts are a realllll thing these days, especially in the blog world. Everyone’s got a Pinterest board and knows how to screenprint and makes wreaths and table runners and hand stamped lunch boxes and just generally DIY’s the hell out of life.  Me? I’m more D-I-Y-Do-It-Yourself-When-You-Can-Buy-Something-Better.

Ba dum bum, ping!

I mean, I want to be crafty. But  I also want blunt bangs. Some things just are not meant to be.

My pal Jamie is a crafty gal AND a crafty blogger, you can check out her scene over at 128 John St, where she shares lots of yummy recipes and DIY projects and general adorableness. What I think sets Jamie apart from other craft/cooking bloggers (aside from her clearly excellent taste in friends) is that she never ever takes herself too seriously or acts like she’s Ms. Perfect and it’s just the easypeasiest to whip up a homemade batch of pumpkin cheesecake on a Tuesday night. She makes giant messes and admits when something she tries turns into a disaster and I love her for it. But she’s also actually talented, don’t go thinking her blog is just a huge hot mess. Like, say, mine.

Jamie sweetly invited a group of girlfriends over a few Saturdays ago for a Valentines Themed Crafting Brunch complete with all sorts of cutesy stuff that I would normally scoff at (because I’m totes jeal) but in this instance, I approved:

vday sammiesYes, those are heart shaped chocolate and banana sandwiches on homemade pound cake. I ate about 37 million.

 approached the day with great enthusiasm (it might even have been my idea?) but quickly learned I was not cut out for this world. The night before brunch I met Jamie and our other equally craftastic friend Kathleen at Michael’s Crafts to get some supplies. The two of them ran around the store like they were on goddamn Supermarket Sweep scooping up all the latest and greatest in crafting supplies and I just sort of followed Kathleen around and bought whatever she did and became increasingly despondent that I was in over my head, have no creative vision and will never have the DIY hipster wedding I dream of.  Finally we settled on our purchases and headed home, but not before I made a quick pit stop at the Whole Foods wine store which sells 365 Brand wine for $3.

This has nothing to do with the rest of this story, I just felt like I needed to pass on that information.

Ok, so! Crafterday! It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Brooklyn. The first project Kathleen decided to do was to spraypaint old tins to use for storage. Here she is getting started, isn’t she pretty?

20130126_143559I decided to copy her and make tins for my tea since I keep pretending to give up coffee, maybe I’ll stick to it if I have some cute tea tins. We set ourselves up on Jamie’s balcony and I immediately ran into trouble. I was trying to open a can of spray paint and somehow managed to shoot the lid right off of the balcony and into the neighbor’s backyard. Um, sorry, neighbors. I then quickly learned that I had a faulty can of spray paint – the only way it would spray was to press it down hard with both thumbs until my hands were numb from the pressure. Instead of smooth, easy painting, my tins were clumpy and streaky and blotchy and you can still sort of see the original paint underneath. They also continued to smell like spray paint for dayssss afterwards, so my tea is probably quite poisoned.

I did come up with the genius idea to apply some pretty stickers to label the tins:

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eeeeeh? I’ll give them a 6 out of 10.

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But if you look from far away, they are actually pretty charming, no? Two for tea and one for “stuff” whatever that means. It would be the perfect size to hide my drugs, but sadly I’m a real DARE kind of gal. Maybe I’ll just use it for bobby pins or pennies or something.

The tins were 99 cents each, the stickers $4 for a few sheets and the spray paint was $12, bringing this project to a total of $17.98. Could I have just purchased much more attractive, less toxic tins for a smaller sum? Probably. But it was fun! Ish. It was fun ish. I would not really recommend this project, in the end, I think it turned out to be pretty dumb.

So! After I finished up this mess I turned to my next project which was making little clothespin magnets. I bought teensy clothes pins and some magnets with self-stick on them and applied the magnets to one side of the pins, then painted them with paint I borrowed from Jamie.

Here’s me looking super artistic with my painters palette which I initially bought as a joke, because I think I am just hilarious but actually turned out to be a helpful tool for paint storage.
20130126_154054Once I was done painting, I washed the brushes and palette in the kitchen sink and proceeded to get paint all over a bunch of dishes, whoops. I can only imagine that this is not great for health and now, in addition to poisoining my own tea, I’m pretty sure I’ve also poisoned Jamie and all of her roommates.

Sorry, guys.

So, how’d these turn out? Not bad!

20130126_174712I am actually pretty proud of these puppies – I made one for each of my roommates and a gross one for Brian that says “L ❤ B”, and I’m particularly proud of that one with the lil red hearts.

I’ll give this one a 8 out of 10. The clothespins were $5, magnets were $3, palette was $1.50 and paint was borrowed, so all told this came to under $10. I WOULD recommend this project for novice crafters and for children. It was easy and fun and if I could handle it without f-ing up, I’m pretty sure the average five year old could do a real bang up job.

Basically all of the projects I took on that day were kindergarten levels of difficulty while my more technically able friends were going to town with more complex projects.

Here is Jamie hand painting glassware:

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And here is Kathleen delicately painting cursive lettering onto a tote bag:

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But don’t worry, guys, I can totally cursive too. Here’s my last and probably best project, a hand made valentine for my mom:

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That’s just some cardstock, sparkly stickers and the most awkward handwriting on the planet. Does this not look like it was made by a third grader with one hand? Be honest, I can handle it. This looks like the kind of nonsense you’d bring home from the elementary school Valentines Day party and your mom would hang on the fridge in a really dark spot where no one could see it before “accidentally losing it” a few days later.

But no, this is the home made card created by a 28-year-old lady with two perfectly working hands. WHY don’t I have my own Etsy shop yet?

I did manage to salvage some scraps of this project and pulled together four pretty decent V-tines, one each for my mom, sister, brother and Briguy:

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I’m sure you can guess which one is for Brian, hah. The one with just the heart in the center is for my bro. I wanted to make him a more manly valentine but I only had glittery heart stickers so I made him that and the message inside said “Have a very sparkly Valentines Day!”

So manly.

A few pieces of card stock cost me about $2.50, the stickers were $3.99 for a sheet of 12 and I used markers & envelopes that Jamie had laying around, bringing this project to about $6.50. Even if you had to purchase markers & envelopes you could do this on the cheap and I know my valentines really appreciated the handmade effort so, despite the shaky start, I would give this craft a 10 out of 10 and recommend it wholeheartedly to everyone! Adults, children, animals, everyone.

And that is the story of my craft day! Aren’t you impressed with me? You should be.

The best parts of the day were tangentially craft related. The first being when I split my pants in half before going out to dinner and drinks (remember that?!) and the second being when I arrived at said drinks and a bouncer asked to search inside my bag. You see, when creating my plan to go from day crafting to night partying, I forgot to take into account that I’d have to lug my supplies and finished products around with me for the full evening. I also did not take into account that I might be wandering around town with an exposed hoo-haa. Instead of all these dumb tins and magnets I should have been crocheting a crotch patch – like an eyepatch for your crotch! You could carry it around with you in case of any pants ripping emergencies and then would tie it around your waist to cover any exposed bottom bits. So basically an apron. But still, copyright me, this moment, you can’t steal it.  Anyway, I arrived at the bar with a huge totebag full of idiotic stuff. Each of the painted tins was wrapped in a plastic shopping back, lest they get any of that toxic, still slightly wet paint on my tote bag, and the bouncer asked me what was inside.

“uh…craft supplies?” I responded, unconvincingly. He made me hold up the line showing him everything I was lugging around. Oddly enough he did not get down on his knees right then and there and BEG me to make him hand made valentines for his friends and loved ones. Your loss, bouncer man. I am a creative genius.

And that, my fine friends, is my adventure into the Wide World of Crafting. I just need an outfit post, a few recipes and a baby and I can be a real blogger!

One Awkward Award

Presentation2

Because today’s post is a bunch of random nonsense about me, here is a gratuitous photo of Liz Ho: Age 11. 

Hiya! On a Tuesday, what whaaat! As I mentioned last night, I’ve been nominated for for the Liebster Blog Award – for bloggers by bloggers. How rad is that? I’m still not 100% sure of the rules or who this Liebster character is, but from what I gather, this is a way that bloggers can shout out to their fave bloggy friends and share them with their readers. I dig it.

I could make a lengthy acceptance speech but who am I, Jodie Foster?

Burn.

My nominee came through one of my very favorite bloggers, one of my first actual blog friends (!), a great fan of booze and Revenge: http://annmaridal.wordpress.com/. Check it. Love it.You’re welcome!

So here’s what’s up:
When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you. You pass the award onto 11 other blogs, tell them you nominated them, and ask them 11 questions. You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you.

Makes sense? Makes sense! Let’s do this thang:

11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
1) I always brush my teeth with a green toothbrush.
2) My first word was bird.
3) I don’t know why. I don’t really care for birds.
4) I hate the smell of original or “unscented” dishsoap.
5) All the technology in the world, and I’m still hung up on how fax machines work. You put a piece of paper into a …phone? And it prints out on the other side of the world? Bananas.
6) Never have I ever: gotten a massage, been in a hot air balloon, gotten a speeding ticket, gone surfing.
7) Two truths and a lie: I hate feet. I have two tattoos. I love tuna salad.
8) I have my belly button pierced. It is really dumb and not nearly as cute as it was when I was an 18-year-old slimster, but I don’t want to take it out. It’s become a part of me. Weird.
9) I have never seen Napoleon Dynamite.
10) I think Mary Kate is the more interesting Olsen, but at the end of the day, Ashley’s probably the one I would more enjoy hanging out with.
11) As dumb as these answers are, I secretly (not secretly) love filling out personality surveys. Unsurprising, I KNOW.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
1) Who, of all people in this world, would be your ideal dinner date at Red Lobster on a rainy Wednesday evening?
Oh! Another fun fact: I have never been to Red Lobster! Crazy, right? But I’d still take Tina Fey on a dinner date there, rain OR shine.

2) Apples or pears?
Apples. I find it’s tough to tell when pears are ripe. Is that just me?

3) What is your favorite book?
OMG you are talking to the wrong gal here, way too many to list. Off the top of my head: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, The Post Birthday World by Lionel Shriver, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, anything Ann Patchett, Random Family by Adrien Nicole LeBlanc, Bossypants (obvz), To Kill a Mockingbird, Harriet the Spy…I could go on for days.

4) What’s the thing you consider yourself a “number one fan” of?
Cheese.

5) How are your dancing skills?
Elaine.

6) Have you ever been to Canada? What did you like/dislike?
Yes! I went skiing in Mont Tremblant when I was young. I remember it being cold. We went to a movie theater in the little town one night to see Shakespeare in Love and I felt awkward watching the love scenes with my parents. We then went to Quebec City for Winter Carnival and I remember it being gorgeous and freezing with incredible architecture and ice sculptures. There was a dogsled race through the middle of town. Later in life my sis & I took the train to Montreal – 11 hours. We got very drunk at a karaoke bar where old men brought us roses and we tore down the house with our choreographed rendition of Proud Mary. I was thrown off by how the people looked so American but were speaking French. We got into a lot of sister spats but had an amazing time. Overall, I’d give Canada 4 out of 5 stars and would certainly go back again!

7) Who would you rather be in a movie with; Ryan Gosling, Jon Hamm, Clint Eastwood, Helen Hunt, Lena Dunham or Angelina Jolie? Why?
Jon Hamm. Sex scenes.

8) Is cloning a Neanderthal a good idea? Why/why not?
Um…no. We’ve just come a long way, developmentally, since then, and I feel like if we’re going to clone anyone, let’s clone someone modern. And hot.

9) What is the most awesome TV show ever?
30 Rock! No, Arrested Development. No! Alias. Friday Night Lights! No, Parks & Rec. Freaks & Geeks! Breaking Bad. THE WIRE. I don’t have a very active social life…

10) Would you rather a) ride a horse on the beach while singing “Puff the Magic Dragon” on live TV during the Superbowl halftime or b) drink a six-pack of Pabst in a horse carriage on stage at the Academy Awards?
Ohhhh man. Excellent question. I’d say PBR during the Oscars! I just always wanted to go to the Academy Awards, so if this is my one shot, I’ll take it.

11) What’s the perfect hostess gift?
Wine of course. OR a very nice candle. I know it seems impersonal, but I really enjoy candles. It seems extravagant to splurge on a fancy candle for yourself, but giving one to a friend is a lovely gift. At least for me. Come to my house and give me candles!

And that’s all about me! Fun. Someone seriously please buy me some really nice candles, it would mean a lot. Now onto step two: selecting some nominees of my own! Listed below, in no particular order, are 11 blogs/bloggers who I particularly enjoy and who I think might be up for participating in this silliness. This feels very much like a WordPress chain letter, no? Absolutely no pressure to the nominees to fill out the survey themselves, I mean, I’ll die alone feeling really rejected and unloved, but I’m sure my family will find a way to cope with the grief. Srsly, though, this was mostly just a fun way for me to talk about myself and share some of my faves with my plethora of fans so no hard feelings if you’d rather pass.

Ok, here we go!

NOMINEES, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
Drinking Tips for Teens
Susie Lindau
Home is Where the Warehouse Is
Can I Get Ur Number
Travels and Tea Leaves
Ribbons and Pearls
Leaving the Land of Cotton
Lemonade Jargon
Snotting Black
Brunch for Every Meal
Thoughts of a Lunatic

QUESTIONS FOR NOMINEES:
1. What is your favorite vegetable?
2. If you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?
3. Breasts or thighs? Of a CHICKEN, ya perv.
4. Would you rather have an extra nose in the middle of your forehead OR an ear dangling from the bottom of your chin?
5. Who was your hero when you were a child?
6. Floss: waxed or unwaxed? Mint or unflavored?
7. What is your favorite holiday and why?
8. What is your standard daily breakfast?
9. Who is your favorite political dictator and please give a 700 word, 5 paragraph essay detailing why.
10. What is your favorite boy band and who is your favorite member? (I’m judging this answer.)
11. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?