Hi guys!!! How was everyone’s week? Mine felt like, interminable, but now I’m looking back and wondering how exactly I passed all that endless time because I feel like nothing got done!
Hmm. Giving thought it seems I mostly ate cherries, looked at at vintage wedding bands on Etsy (NO we don’t have our rings yet, don’t worry about it) (Also: anyone giving away any free estate jewelry? ), power binged through the entire final season of Game of Thrones (TYRION!), worked out a ton (yay!) (shredding for the wedding!) and listened to a disturbing amount of Jason Derulo.
Guys…he’s really good. I mean, yes his songs are like, sexist and raunchy and horrible and about butts and stuff but…I love butts! And bad pop music. So, yeah. No shame in my game.
Also: terrible segue, but powering through. A quick note related to my wedding rambles from earlier this week. Wedding Paper Divas, my favorite online paper goods supplier is once again offering a Gilt Group coupon and it is SO good! This is how poor people who have mixed emotions about paper products can afford nice paper products! Score to the maximum. So if you’re planning any sort of soiree in the near future for which you’ll need invitations or thank you notes or any of that good jazz...hop to!
(As always when I talk about things I buy, they in no way are paying me to endorse them! I’m not that famous. I just really like this website. But if you are from Wedding Paper Divas and are reading this and want to give me money or products, I’m all aboard.)
Oook. Cut to the chase, Liz. Let’s all clasp hands, wiggle our big fat butts and take a look at what was keeping it awkward this week.
This is less of an anecdote, more of an observation.
This week was my sista’s birthday (HBD Margie!) so I popped over to the drugstore to pick up a card. When I got there, a man was standing in the card asile right in front of the birthday section, carefully reading through every card looking for the perfect one.
Which, of course! Is how one should shop for birthday cards and bully on him for getting there first but HOW painfully awkward is it when you need to do something very specific and someone is in your way and you have to just linger around. Like, when you get to the office microwave seconds after someone has put in their Lean Cuisine for one minute and forty-five seconds. What do you do for the one minute and forty-five seconds? Stand there and stare at them? Make small talk? Go all the way back to your office and risk a) losing the microwave to someone else and b) returning to find yourself in the exact same situation? Pretend you came to the kitchen for a whole other reason?
Starve to death?
Or when you go to buy your sister a birthday card and this cute old man is taking his sweet fucking time reading EVERY SINGLE CARD ever made oh my god, dude, just pick a card and get on with your life we don’t have all day here, what do you do? Stand really close behind him and hope he gets the hint? Ask him politely to get out of the way? Go stand in the nail polish aisle for a while, keeping one eye on the card section and then sprint over the second the man is done?
Gently say “excuse me, sir” and share the card rack?
Probably that one, on retrospect, but still! Awkward.
Life is SO HARD sometimes guys.
Last night we went out to dinner with Brian’s college friend and his wife who just moved up to Brooklyn. They were married September 7, 2013 and we missed the wedding.
We just gave them their gift…last night…July 10, 2014…wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper.
We are the WORST people on earth. Honestly we deserve to get zero gifts at our wedding.
Although! I would like to point out that though we did not give a single gift on time in 2013 (also, this one was totally Brian’s to send so…blame the man!), we are 4 for 4 with timely wedding gift giving in 2014! I’ve even sent gifts to showers I couldn’t attend. So, we’re getting there.
Still close to the worst, though.
(Michelle, Carlo, if you’re reading this, I still have your wedding gift sitting here in my office. I can see it now! I promise to mail it to you before your first anniversary…so like, any day now.)
Related: never do I feel like such an “adult” as when doing things with other couples. Recently we went to dinner at another couple’s apartment. We brought a bottle of wine and homemade potato salad and I was just like, this is what grownups do. Holy shit, we are grownups.
And mostly I love it! It’s fun! But also, you know.
I k now what you’re thinking
A) Brian is so hot, I’m jealous Liz gets to marry him.
B) finally! Brian is the one spilling water on himself, it’s not just Liz out there humiliating herself.
Well you are wrong, friends. At least on the second part. You’re dead right on the first. He’s a smokin’ hot babe and back off. The boy is mine. But if you actually think Brian caused a scene in public all by himself without a small (huge) assist from his intended, you are incorrect.
Last weekend we were out and about shopping for wedding rings, which we obviously did not yet buy — holy cheese we need to get it together and fast. I was drinking a San Pellegrino* on the subway into Manhattan and sat it down on the seat beside me, totally reckless like. Brian picked it up and made a comment on how I’m always “playing it fast and loose with my beverages.”
True story – I’m always just like, sitting cups on the arms of chairs or haphazardly tilting them all over the place and then wondering why I am covered in liquids.
Well, if Chekhov and his gun have proved anything it is that if someone calls you out on your “fast and loose” beverage lifestyle, you will end up spilling by the end of the day.
Later that afternoon we were riding the escalator back down into the subway station at Grand Central. I was thirsty, having just spent a few hours wandering in the hot sun, so I bought a bottle of H2O from the Hudson News. I was ahead of Brian on the escalator, we were chatting away and I guess I dropped the bottle of water? Or something? It all happened so fast I don’t remember how it went down, but all I know is I somehow ended up very quickly “catching” the bottle between my elbow and my torso, effectively squeezing a big fountain stream of water all over…Brian.
HAHAHAH! I had some on my sandal but otherwise was dry as a bone and poor, handsome, sexy, studly (sorry, got carried away there), Brian was drenched.
I will say I’m glad it was someone I know and not a stranger but I will also say that I sometimes feel bad for BriGuy. He really landed a weird one and now he’s stuck with me forever.
MWA HA HA HA HA.
*I mention what I was drinking because am I the only one who falls for those fancy sodas with their fancy tinfoil lids every.single.time. I can’t see one in a store without wanting to buy it. DAMN YOU and your clever packaging, San Pellegrino!
Okey, that’s about enough for now. I must get to workity before I inevitably fall back into the seductive distraction that is Wedding Planning. SO MANY THINGS TO GOOGLE!!
What’s everyone up to this weekend? I just realized it’s 7/11 which means that 7-11 is giving away FREE SLURPEES!!!
[races out of the office for a slurpee at 9:01 in the AM]
HAPPY WEEKEND KIDDIES!
xoxo Liz Ho