Another Awkward Week [5.16.14]

Oh my god, you guys. What is even happening? This week simultaneously flew and crawled by. If it were an animal, this week would be some kind of monster breed of like, a snake and a bald eagle…a creature which surely exists in the world of George R. R. Martin…who you can blame when this post is THE worst because I’ve fiiiinally started watching GOT and am, of course, obsessed. I’m not very good at casually consuming pop culture. When I decide to get into something I go ALL IN.

Watching GOT is this weird experience for me because I love to read about pop culture, especially television (I mean books! I always read books and articles about books!) (#employeeoftheyear) and have this weird habit of following recaps and news about shows I’ve never watched. Like, I have never watched one second of that show Sons of Anarchy and yet I read the Vulture recap every week and know basically every plot point. Same for Homeland! And then I’m like “why am I so busy and stressed?” when really I’m just wasting my time watching TV or reading about the TV I don’t watch.

ANYWAY, I don’t read the GOT recaps but I do keep up with the news and headlines, it’s kind of hard to miss when you spend as much time at Vulture as I do, so I sort of know what happens…but sort of don’t. I know the names of a lot of the characters and some major plot points (Red Wedding!) but didn’t actually know what all of these people looked like or how they related to one another or when these major plot points actually happened, so every episode I’m like “Oh! Khaleesi!” “The Lannisters!” “Which brother and sister are having an inappropriate sexual relationship?” (Spoiler alert: more than you’d think.)

Do you guys watch this show? It’s so good! A smorgasbord of deception and manipulation and war and boobs and murder and boobs and boobs and butts and boobs! All my favorite things. We’re about halfway through Season 2 and shit is going OFF. I love it.

Ok I will now stop talking about Game of Thrones…but basically if you’re curious what I’ve been up to all week and why this blog is short, boring and poorly written: blame G.R.R.M! Winter is coming!

Let’s take a look at what (else) was keeping it awkward this week.

 

These Permanent Markers:

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With which I was doodling while on a call and oh look they bled through my paper and now I have permanent ink stains on my desk.

This kind of behavior would get you held back from recess in kindergarten.

This Tupperware: 

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It’s become sort of a joke with my assistant that she always walks into my office while I’m eating…because I’m always eating.

Funny stuff, I know.

WELL we took the scenario one step further, maybe too far this week when she walked in as I was licking hummus off the lid of my tupperware snack container.

I WISH I could say that was the first and last time I’ve ever done that but I can not lie to you, my friends. I’ve done it before and I’ll surely do it again.

I should not be allowed out in public.

(Also: my thumb is so disgusting…let this be motivation for me to stop picking at my fingers.  GAH-ROSS, Liz. Gross.)

This Computer Screen:

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Isn’t it giant? I KNOW.

So I’ve been trying to engage myself better in our corporate culture and take advantage of some of the classes and learning opportunities provided by my company. This week I signed up to sit in on a marketing strategy course via Web Ex, which is lingo they did not define in our class…I think it means like, via the internet? I don’t even know. Basically, I signed into some program that allowed me to see the deck being presented in the class as well as hear the teachers and other participants speaking. I was also apparently supposed to hook up my phone or some other sort of microphone so I, too, could participate but OBVZ I a) don’t know how and b) didn’t realize that my computer doesn’t just have some kind of built in microphone device.

The class started and the teacher asked everyone to go around and introduce themselves. I waited for my colleague to go before me and then started to chime in “Hello! This is Liz”…and they just kept on breezing to the next person. I waited until the next person spoke and tried again, this time a little louder: “Hello! It’s Liz!!!” They didn’t hear me. I leaned into the speakers, where the noise was coming OUT and tried to make the noise go IN: “HELLO IT IS LIZ CAN YOU HEAR ME????”

Surprisingly this did not work.

It was basically a parody of a geriatric woman who has just seen her first iPad. 29 going on 90.

PS: do you guys watch Inside Amy Shumer? She is DIVINE and I recommend diving deep into her archives but this particular video is especially appropriate for illustrating this tale. I’m the clueless mom character, of course.

(PS: If you look closely enough you can see all the important tabs I have open: numerous searches for “at home bikini body workouts” (I hate myself), some kind of feminist article (to counterbalance my buying into the idea of a “bikini body”) and one tab where I was apparently googling myself. WORKING HARD!)

This Turnstile:

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So last weekend we were in Philadelphia for a wedding, wedding-going is our #1 hobby and pastime these days (after watching Game of Thrones, that is!!!) and while we were there, I got stuck in a subway turnstile.

I, Liz Hohenadel, who rides the subway at least two times per day, sometimes more on weekends, found herself entangled in the metal bars of the turnstile, like some kind of martian who first landed in the deep midwest and then went blind and then visited the Big City for their very first time.

I can’t even explain what happened. I put my token in (Philly still uses actual tokens! It’s so quaint!) (That sounds demeaning but I mean it in a positive way.) and I walked forward and then the bar got stuck and I stepped back and then I stepped forward again and then I pulled the bar backwards for some reason and then it wouldn’t go forwards again so I kept pulling it further back…maybe hoping it would like, do a full 360 and flip me over like a pig on a spit right onto the subway platform? I don’t even know.

The woman working at the token booth had to get involved and believe you me…girl was NOT amused. I am going to go out on a limb and guess that working the token booth in the Philadelphia subway system is not exactly full of sunshine and daisies and butterflies, unless those are the names of the homeless men peeing in the corner (it’s really not nice to make jokes about homelessness, I know) but this lady DID NOT CARE if I got myself through the turnstile or not and had no plans to help me through.

You know who else had no plans to help me through? OH that’s right, BRIAN. You know, my life partner and love of my life who stood there watching me and laughing. Just cracking up, busting a gut laughing while the future mother of his children, woman who irons his shirts for him (not because of gender roles…I’m just better at it) and who is going to walk down the aisle and marry him in exactly 3 months from today (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) got trapped behind bars. I could have died there! And he just laughed! And then, when I finally got through and we made it to my sister’s house, announced: “Sorry we’re late, Liz got stuck and caused a scene in the subway.”

RUDE.

Long story long, somehow I freed myself, the wedding was lovely and I’ve now ridden multiple subways all week without incident so…good times.

And that, my dear pals, was my week! What have YOU been up to?? Any weekend plans? I’m going to Pittsburgh for…wait for it…wait for it…any guesses… a wedding!! I am SO excited for this one. I mean, I’m always excited for all weddings but this one will be very dear to me. The bride Brigette is Maggie’s BFF, they’ve known each other since they were about four years old, and have been besties ever since and in that time, Brigette has become like a member of our family, coming on vacations, being part of inside jokes, she was even there when we first started calling our mom The Schmoopster. Tomorrow she’s marrying this great, great guy and it’s just going to be so neat seeing her start this new adventure in her life and I’m so honored to be there. Also starting new adventures: Brian’s sister is graduating from college on Sunday! So Brian and I are splitting up this weekend – me to a wedding, him to the graduation, which of course makes me feel weird and guilty and like I’m personally perpetuating the idea that marriage is a more important achievement in a woman’s life than an education but I MIGHT need to stop taking myself so seriously and calm it down. Maybe?

BASICALLY it is an exciting weekend for many people who I love so hooray! Let’s party. Everybody dance now!

I’m losing it. Have a great weekend, buddies!

xoxo Liz Ho

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11 thoughts on “Another Awkward Week [5.16.14]

  1. “…unless those are the names of the homeless men peeing in the corner” – Comedy is not pretty. “Comedy Is Not Pretty” – Steve Martin. “Steve Martin” – his mom and dad

    So the one time I don’t creep your photo for clues to your inner Liz-ness, you invite your readers to lurk. You know us (me) well.

    Speaking of quaint, it’s Victoria Day Monday in Canada, so holiday. Here in anti-monarchist Quebec (it’s a long story), it goes by Journee des patriotes, but it’s still a holiday so who cares?

    Safe travels.

  2. You’re so hilarious! I love GoT, I know exactly what you mean with going all in.. When I discovered it, the 3rd season just started and I catched up in 2 weeks…
    And when I discoverd Once Upon A Time 2 months ago, I was done in a month and watched the final episode last week…
    Have fun with all the weddings 🙂

  3. Game Of Thrones is AWESOME!! I just watched all 3 seasons earlier this year in like 2 weeks (I have no life) and I was instantly hooked! I’m reading the books as well, just started the 2nd one, highly recommend them! The highlight of my week is the beginning on Sunday nights, settling down on my comfy bed, with my crochet or knitting (like I said I have no life!) and watching GoT!

    • Um…sounds like a great life to me! I’ve been curious to read the books. I rarely read the “fantasy” genre, but they’re SO fun. But at the same time, I almost always read books before I see movies, so it is nice for once to have the TV be its own thing without constantly comparing, if that makes sense?

      • Oh yes perfect sense! Yeah I’m like that too, I’m the person loudly whispering to my friend during a movie “that’s not how it was in the book!”

  4. Pingback: A Rant, A List, A Brand New Week | One Awkward Year

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