Boo! Halloween is right around the corner, folks. Are you ready? I am…NOT. After so many years of dominating the scene in my nude suit, I just haven’t been able to muster up a lot of enthusiasm for old Fright Night. I might end up staying in, eating candy and watching television, like I do most every other night, but if I do end up Trick or Treating I’m going to have to scramble, and fast, to come up with a sweet ‘stume.
I figured I can’t be the only last minute lazy bones out there, so wanted to offer up a few creative ideas for costumes that you can throw together at a moment’s notice, with very little energy expended. Or if you’re still looking for a way to get sexy without being dull, do consult last year’s list of creatively slutty costume suggestions!
Feel free to borrow any of these fantastic ideas… or share your own! And if you’re considering black face, might I suggest consulting this website first: http://shouldidressinblackfacethishalloween.com/.
Let’s do this!
LIZ HO’S GUIDE TO HALLOWEEN FOR LAZY PEOPLE
This is a classic from the Maggie HoBags playbook. Black pants, black t-shirt, “skeleton” made of masking tape. Boom.
Wear a colored t-shirt, print out an image label via Google Images or just rip the sticker right off your favorite candle. Attach a pipe cleaner or piece of string to your head. People miiiight try to light you on fire, but that’s a risk you’ll need to be willing to take.
(via the wikipedia page for “junk mail” which is a fascinating read!)
Just tape all of your junk mail to your body. Easier than opening a New Pre-Approved VIP Credit Card!
Similarly, yet slightly more creatively….
Just print out pictures of stuff you love, intricate first birthday cakes, workout inspiration and other nonsense and stick to your bod. Extra points if you include the Pinterest logo.
Pretty self explanatory: Kidnap a bunch of puppies and walk them on leashes. Return all but the very cutest one at the end of the night!
Miley Cyrus in Wrecking Ball:
All sorts of idiots are apparently paying actual American dollars for this hideous monstrosity...take it one step further, for cheaper, by just stepping out in your underbusiness while carrying construction tools. Easy AND “sexy.” Good job!
Your Garbage Can:
Cover your body in double sided tape, dump your garbage can over your head and see what sticks. Pee-yew.
Wrap yourself in tin foil. THE END.
Take all of your unwanted belongings to a bar/party, set them on display with a sign reading Yard Sale. Then sell them to other party goers for money and/or candy. Have a festive evening and make money while unloading unwanted items? Win and win.
I will sell you this wig and HAND MADE glittery pink guitar for $4 plus overnight shipping.
Office Tooth Brusher:
The SCARIEST costume ever. Wear business casual and carry your tooth brush and toothpaste. I’m shuddering already just thinking about it!
Literally streak around your neighborhood during trick-or-treat time. There is a 150 million percent chance you will get arrested but isn’t Halloween the time for a new adventure?
Kim Kardashian’s Engagement Ring:
This one does take some time: darken the lights in your room, put on your sexiest white thong body suit and highest Louboutins, light one million candles and spritz the room with a liberal does of Glam, the Kim Kardashian eau de cologne. Then meditate on fame for three solid hours, taking breaks every 15 minutes to splash your face with Dom Perignon. If you do it right, you will then magically calcify into a 15-karat diamond. True fact!
It should wear off after about 24 hours but you might consider setting your affairs in order beforehand, just in case.
Who doesn’t want to dress as their favorite blogger for Halloween? Oh, everyone? Fair enough! If you change your mind, just toss on some jeggings, a cardigan and a v-neck shirt. Drink all the wine you see and spill 42% of it on yourself. Done and done.
Bonus: make it a couple’s costume by having your partner dress in a JCrew checked button down and dress as Liz and Brian AKA the Will & Kate of Brooklyn.
Annnnd I think that’s enough ideas for now. I trust y’all can come up with more great ones on your own. Happy Halloween, friends! Send me all your Kit Kats!