Friday! How was everyone’s week? I’ve eaten Thai Green Curry four times and have been listening to a lot of country music. It’s getting kind of weird over here.
And please forgive me for being MIA last week. Once again I was out of commish due to phone issues and unable to take photos. (And, ok, I’ll be honest: I was pretty preoccupied reading wedding blogs.) While waiting for my third and hopefully final replacement phone to arrive from Tmobile, I was working off this sweet cellpiece:
I would have been the hottest thing in Freshman Year English Lit 101 with this bad boy. Remember when Paris Hilton had a sidekick and it got hacked and she sent all these ridiculous sexts? No, just me? It was a perfectly serviceable phone (Brian actually has one just like it, hah!) but still made life semi awkward – I was able to receive calls and texts but didn’t have any numbers saved, so I couldn’t recognize anyone who was trying to get in touch with me. And unlike last time I wrote about this, when I predicted (correctly) that no one cared I’d been off the grid for days, people actually wanted to get in touch with me last week. I have never been more popular than the week I got engaged. I might break up with Brian and get some new guy to propose to me, just for the attention.
I felt like kind of a tool asking everyone who texted me to reveal who they were so I tried to make it into a fun guessing game based on context clues, for example, what friend with a 717 number would make a joke about me being pregnant? (Hi Jefferson!) – and got most of them right! Some I begged to reveal themselves and some like the nice friend from high school who texted “congrats! See you at the reunion” are still a mystery. Thanks, friend! See you at the reunion?
But, praise be to Xenu (I’m currently reading this book and considering converting to Scientology), after three replacement phones, two batteries and seven trips to two different TMobile retailers, I fiiinnnally seem to be back in the 21st Century. What a traumatic experience this has been!
And with that, why don’t we take a look at what was keeping it awkward this week.
I can already tell that this is going to be a stupid story, but no stopping me now. So, I had a can of white beans in the fridge that I had opened maybe a week ago and decided not to use, so they were just chillin’ in some off-brand Tupperware, waiting to be eaten. Tuesday night we wanted to make an easy, home-cooked dinner and I figured I’d use up those beaners, so I found this recipe for sausage, kale and white bean stew. Turns out, friends, that the beans had actually gone 100% rancid. Did you know that canned beans, when uncanned and left in poorly sealed plastic containers can go bad and stink up your entire kitchen?
Well, now ya do.
I don’t know that the beans would have been that necessary to this recipe anyway, which turned out to basically just be spaghetti sauce in a bowl. Basically, dump two cans of diced tomatoes, some kale and some sausage into a pot. Heat. Eat.
Mmm mmm, meat sauce with a spoon. Not gonna lie: it was amazing.
I’ll be expecting my James Beard Award annnny day now.
Speaking of spaghetti sauce…
This Free Sample:
I had to meet an author for an interview at a studio in Chelsea Market , which is this big old market in …wait for it…can you possibly guess…the Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan. I know, crazy, right? Well! On my way to meet him, I passed a vendor handing out free samples and, you guys, I didn’t even look to see what it was, I just heard “free” and “food” and grabbed it like some kind of zoo animal.
It turned out to be some kind of spiral pasta in a tomato sauce – boring, but delicious.
I was chomping away when I came to my elevator bank and, without thinking, hopped on the elevator with the sample still in hand. The author and producer were meeting me on the other side of my ride…what was I going to do, just hop off this elevator holding a half-eaten tub of spaghetti?
I panicked, slurped as much of the sauce as I could out of the container (P.S. there was someone else on the elevator, what!) and frantically dug around my purse for a napkin or tissue of some kind to wrap the garbage in, hopefully saving my bag from being covered in spaghetti sauce. The best I could come up with was this paper receipt…from the TMobile store OBVZ…and it worked like a charm.
And by “worked like a charm,” I mean I now have spaghetti sauce all over my tote bag.
Rounding out the meal…
Later that evening I met a friend for a drink in the neighborhood and while wildly gesticulating during a passionate speech about how I’m going to bribe our landlady into never raising our rent by constantly gifting her with holiday trinkets, I knocked over my glass of rioja, effectively soaking my skirt, coat, tote, purse and scarf.
My new signature scent is “Ladies’ Night at The Olive Garden.”
As I‘ve mentioned before, we have a realllly sensitive smoke alarm in our apartment – it has gone off while I’m boiling water. Fact. The only way to get it to shut up while you’re cooking it to have someone stand underneath it holding a fan blowing cool air in its direction. Diva much?
We were cooking up some delicious bacon the other night and the smoke alarm was going NUTS, so we came up with this excellent new system which involves one fan in the kitchen, a towel hanging from a pull-up bar creating a sort of curtain/door to block the smoke and a second fan in the hallway, aimed at the alarm.
Stops the alarm from beeping and also creates a truly gorgeous, feng shui layout in our home.
This Salt – N – Pepa:
Just the spices, not the band, I WISH. This past weekend we were in beautiful Cooperstown, NY for the wedding of my good friends Kevin and Jenni. (This is KEVIN! I’ll never stop telling this story!) The weeks leading up to the wedding saw me encountering some major bathroom issues (which I won’t re-link to, once was MORE than enough to read those stories) and he asked me to make it a hat trick by having some kind of horrible bano related malfunction at his wedding and despite my best efforts…I failed. Kept it classy the whole damn wedding. I’m so sorry, Kevin. I hope you’ll forgive me
The best Awkward Moment I can muster from the weekend came earlier in the day – pre-wedding the boys went to the baseball Hall of Fame and the ladies hit up an apple cider farm with a completely baller snack stand. I was not even remotely hungry but immediately zeroed in on a large table of condiments (mustards! hot sauces! dips!) and ordered some sweet potato fries solely so I could have a vessel with which to scoop honey mustard into my face. While saucing up I managed to knock over a container of salt and pepper packets…and then immediately, as if on cue, whipped out my phone to take a picture.
My friends were so lucky to see the OAY live and in action.
Exciting stuff, I KNOW. Sorry I couldn’t do better for you, Kevin. I’ll make it up to you somehow!
Annnd that’s what I’ve been up to! What’s new with y’all? I’m going to say y’all whether anyone likes it or not, just FYI.
Have a fan-freaking-tastic weekend and thank you (again!) for being so enthusiastic and sweet about the engagement stories and for putting up with all that mushy stuff.
xoxoxo Liz Ho
Kevin’s wedding salt and pepper.