Helllooooo my friends and Happy Spring! I mean, yes it snowed yesterday and is was sub-freezing when I woke up this morning and I still maintain that March is the ficklest of all bitches, but you know what: it’s Friday, the sun is shining, I’m sipping a delicious glass of Emergen-C and life is pretty good. I’ll take it.
But good of course does not mean smooth and normal so why don’t we take a look at what was keeping it awkward this week:
This Shopping Basket:
See how you can see the sidewalk and the great outdoors in the background? Yeaaaah. Over lunch one day this week I went to the drug store by my office to stock up on some goodz, paid, walked out of the store, back to my office, got into the elevator, spotted my reflection in the mirrored doors, thought One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other and realized I’d carried the shopping basket right out of the store.
Is what I said outloud and a stranger riding up with me replied “yeah, I was wondering what was up with that.”
Uh, thanks buddy!
So then I had to get off at my floor, stand in the elevator bank with my shopping basket and wait for a down elevator so I could ca-reeep back to the store and return the basket.
Tuesday night I decided to paint my nails – I did my left hand just fine but then decided I was tired and hungry and I needed my right hand to eat food, so I’d just do the other hand in the morning. Of course I overslept and showed up for work the next day with half a manicure.
It’s the hot new look for spring, you saw it here first!
(I’m wearing Charismatic by Revlon, just in case anyone is curious about my personal style and wants to run right out and buy it. Or Revlon wants to give me some sort of endorsement deal. )
This Whole Thing:
Basically, guys, I’m a genius.
We have either a very smoldery oven or a very sensitive fire alarm or a little of both. Every time we cook or bake anything the alarm goes off, so we have to set up this elaborate system of fans and open windows unless we want the alarm to go off for the entire time we’re cooking. One night this week I was baking some dairy free, sugar free, whole wheat zucchini muffins because I am a holistic domestic goddess, and while they were in the oven I was prepping a salad for dinner. I washed the lettuce and then came up with the brilliant idea to use the fan to dry the leaves, since I broke my salad spinner months ago.
Isn’t this the smartest thing you’ve ever seen?
Don’t worry, there are plates under there, I didn’t just throw my food down on the ground.
Though, the fan was probably blowing all sorts of kitchen dirt all over my fresh, clean lettuce but whatever. I stand by it.
I went to a St. Patrick’s Day party last weekend and it was basically as classy as you’d imagine. I’ve been really, really good about sticking to my healthy eating plans, while I’m trying to diagnose my gross bowel issues (the latest = no soy, dairy or alcohol, my life is the saddest), but if there is one thing in this world that I am powerless to resist, aside from French onion dip…and peanut M&M’s…and brie cheese…and Diet Coke…and cheese fries…and ok, leave me alone, I know I have gross eating habits and no willpower…but aside from all of those things and many more, the one thing that I MOST can’t resist is buffalo wings with blue cheese dressing. Sweet Mother Mary I LOVE BUFFALO WINGS. It is Pavlovian. Just the smell sets my mouth watering until I’m overcome with a desire to feast upon greasy, spicy wings covered in creamy blue cheese dressing.
Just typing this I’m starting to sweat with desire!
So of course when I walked into the bar on St. Patrick’s Day and a friend ordered a few plates of wings, I had to completely abandon any sort of clean eating plan I was on and dive in headfirst. Was it worth it? HELLZ YEAH.
The thing is, wings are a messy, messy food. I already have a complete inability to eat anything without having it somehow all over my face and body so hand me a buffalo wing and suddenly I am literally covered in sauce. Covered. My friends find great joy in eating wings with me and then taking photos of the results. Above: a mess all over my shirt. Below, a classic photo from someone’s graduation party:
Have you ever been more turned on in your entire life?
Aaand on that note, I’m out!
What is everyone up to this weekend? It’s a pretty quiet one for me. I have to go to a work event tonight (#ugh) and might meet some girlfriends for breakfast tomorrow but otherwise I’m hoping to be sort of productive and who knows what. I mean, I can’t have wine OR cheese so like, what else is there to do on a weekend?
And don’t say like, ‘go to a museum!” “do a craft!” “write letters to loved ones” because I KNOWWWWW there are things in life that are “fun” but don’t involve booze and dairy products but are they “fun,” really? Really? REALLY?
So basically, I’m asking you all for a favor: please spend the weekend heavily imbibing on delicious adult beverages and grilled cheese. Maybe dip your grilled cheese into your wine instead of tomato soup?
Think about it! Could be good!
Just try it, for me?
xoxo Liz Ho