Good morning! I know I begged off earlier this week while I got myself into a better headspace, but I couldn’t possibly end a week without an awkward recap, now could I? Luckily for me, it was one for the books. I feel like the universe really heard me when I complained I was feeling down and uninspired and said “Liz, you want inspiration? Well here ya go, girl!”
And there they did go. I might be the only person who considers a ridiculously embarrassing week a blessing but to each his own, right?
So, let’s take a look at what was keeping it awkward this week:
Because apparently tea does not steep when you put in COLD water and then dump it out, get another tea bag, and re-fill it …again with cold water! I do this like once a month. Never learn. Ever ever learn.
(PS Trader Joe’s Pomegranate White Tea is a delight, if you’re into that sort of thing. Also: pomegranate, much like poinsettia is a surprisingly difficult word to spell. There’s no ‘n’ in there – it’s not a pomENgranate…just pom. Learning new things every single day!)
On Tuesday it rained a bit during the day. After work I was walking to the subway with a friend and a big leftover rain droplet plopped from an overhead awning and landed right on my face. So I reached into my coat pocket and took out what I thought was my cotton glove to wipe my face, but instead I pulled out a sock. An inside out sock that I can only imagine to be dirty. Of course I didn’t realize it was a sock until AFTER I’d rubbed it all over my face.
Luckily it was definitely my sock but a lot of questions remain including what, why, how and when did this sock end up in my pocket? His pair was in the other pocket! Was I wearing socks as gloves? Did I think they were gloves and put them in my pockets mistakenly? Was I somehow wearing my coat as pants?
Update the list of America’s Greatest Unsolved Mysteries!
This Cup of Water:
Or, the shape made down at the bottom where there are no water bubbles. Don’t you think it looks like Africa? It totally doesn’t but the amount of time I spent staring at this water shape is horrifying. I lost like 45 minutes of my life staring into this cup, trying to decide if I saw Africa or not.
PS I swear I don’t do hallucinogenic drugs.
Making microwave oatmeal is a HARD task, y’all. There is a careful balance of water to oats and if you leave them attended for too long, they’ll bubble over and make a giant mess. Like this. Sorry, colleagues in line to use the microwave.
The double layer of awkward is, of course, me getting caught by a random colleague standing in front of the microwave with my phone camera out.
Nothing to see here, just documenting my breakfast mess, like we all do, move along!
Why those shoes, you ask? They’re adorable! I KNOW! Also, $19.99 from the Banana Republic outlet, booyah.
On Tuesday it was semi-warm out and I got a little carried away with the whole spring thing, busting out flats and bare ankles instead of my usual 300 layers of socks and boots and things. I also wore jeans to the office because I’m a lazy slob. Anyhoodle, I’d forgotten that this particular pair of flats is a little slippery on the bottom. On my way into work, I slipped on a cigarette butt and nearly fell down the subway stairs, but caught myself. At the time I blamed the smoker instead of my shoe.
I still do blame him/her, for the extent that they were implicit in nearly causing me harm. I’ll spare y’all the lecture on smoking, you know all the reasons why you should quit, if you want to kill yourself, go to town, but SO HELP ME BEYONCE, I will not stand idly by while you throw your gross cigarette garbage, because that’s what it is, garbage, on the ground. I can not EVEN with this. I chew gum, which is gross, but I don’t spit my gum on the floor. I don’t throw old bits of sandwich wrapper on the ground. I don’t just throw trash everywhere all over the ground upon which innocent people have to walk because that is disgusting and against the law and just plain mean and gross and offensive, so whyyyywywywywywhy is it OK for smokers to throw their butts on the ground? WHY?! If you do this, how do you get up every morning and look at your (probably grey, yellowed & wrinkly from nicotine!) face in the mirror?!
Throw your garbage in a garbage can.
Ummm end rant, whoops, that got intense. What can I say, sometimes I have serious feelings about things, you know?
So where was I? Ok, so Wednesday morning I slipped and fell on the remains of some cigarette bandit garbage criminal but caught myself and placed the blame elsewhere. Wednesday evening was a different story. I met a work acquaintance for a glass of wine (always winin’ and dinin’ over here) and then walked down to Brian’s apartment. It was a little brisker than I anticipated when choosing to go sockless, so I was walking even quicker than I normally do, and I am an extremely fast walker. Not to brag or anything, but I’m like the Usain Bolt of regular street walking. Move it or lose it, everyone else on the sidewalk: here I come. I can go four city blocks in under 30 seconds. This isn’t really something to be all that proud about but listen, it’s the little things, you know? So, I’m power walking down a sort of busy street when all of a sudden:
I BIT it.
I don’t know what happened or how I got there but all of a sudden I was on the ground on my hands and knees feeling like I’d just dropped down from Mars.
People stopped to make sure I was OK and offer to help me up, but I was so disoriented and shocked I just waved them away. Mortifying. I looked around: there were no loose sidewalk tiles, no bumps in the ground or sticks or stones or errant CIGARETTE BUTTS to hinder my stride, just the wide open, smooth sidewalk and me, laying on the ground. I tripped over nothing. One minute I was walking down the street and the next minute I was not. How does someone trip over nothing??? Maybe I’m NOT as good at walking as I thought I was!
Making matters even worse, I ripped a hole in my jeggings! Whomp. I guess it’s a blessing I dressed like a slob that day, so I didn’t tear a pair of good work pants. But still, RIP those jeans, I loved you a LOT.
I limped myself the rest of the way to Brian’s house and immediately started taking photos of myself shouting “I have to blog about this!”
I then stripped off my now dead pants only to realize I was covered in blood.
Also: how gross do disembodied knees look?
Alsoer: I keep typing knees as “kneese,” just FYI.
Two days have passed, and now I have the bruised, skinned, scraped knees of an eight-year-old. COOL BEANS, GREAT LOOK!
And how was YOUR week?
Related: A huge thanks to all who offered up ‘likes’ or sweet comments during my woe-is-me moment earlier this week. It’s funny, I woke up the next morning feeling more focused and positive already. Maybe sometimes you just need to get those grey, blah moments out there, off of your mind and into the world where other people can remind you that it’s OK and you’re OK and you’re not the only one.
And catching a sunrise like this one sure don’t hurt, either.
So! Here’s wishing everyone a good weekend. I hope whatever you do: wear green & get hammered, stay home and watch Hulu, eat good food or bad food or a mix, craft, sleep, fall on the street, mope around feeling blue, write a novel, etcetera and so forth, you find yourself on Monday morning feeling restored and ready to take on the world. I have a feeling I’ll be right back there with ya!
Luck O’ The Awkward,