You’re Welcome, America!

Hi! Are you watching the Oscars? I won’t post this until Monday morning so technically The Oscars were already last night and so by “are you watching” I mean “did you watch” but whatever, this isn’t English class. Because I’m typing this Live! and In The Moment! I don’t know how this ish goes down. I don’t know who wins, who loses, who cries, who gives a long and overwrought acceptance speech, though my ca$h monie$ are on Anne Hathaway for that one, ugh. I don’t know who gets snubbed, which presenters have the most embarrassing scripted banter and which flub their lines.

All I know is this: In the opening awkward-bad-joke-cringefest monologue, American Treasure Channing Matthew Tatum took to the stage to dance and did not show even a whisper of torso. A flash of bum. A single inch of his beautifully chiseled, extraordinarily limber bod. You wouldn’t ask a bird not to fly, would you? Or a fish not to swim? Why, then, why would you put Magic Mike on a stage and NOT ask him to hump the floor?

Give the people what they came for, Oscar.

Don’t worry, America. I’ve got you covered:

And the Oscar for Best Blog goes to: me!

This is just a short little Monday Funsie, so come back Wednesday when I’ll be sharing a few special memories of my own attempts to become a famous, award-winning actress. Spoiler alert: the story involves original musical numbers, monkeys and roller blades. Not to be missed. I’m sorry I’m such a tease, but just look at Channing again, doesn’t that just make your week?

I’m also VERY sorry I said “Monday Funsie” and promise never to say that ever again. WHAT is wrong with me?

xoxo  Liz

PS. Stayed awake long enough to see the supporting actress awards and I should have put actual ca$h on my insufferable speech predix. I know I’m a real hater but shut up, Ann.

PSS. Who was your best dressed?!? I’m still combing through the pics but so far I’m digging Jessica Chastain, Naomi Watts & oddly enough, Clooney’s gf Stacy Kiebler. Did anyone else think the fashion was a bit snoozy this year?

2 thoughts on “You’re Welcome, America!

  1. Yes! First, Seth McFarlane was actually funny! Shhhh… this is secret, because in our profession it’s not PC to admit that. SO… J.Law is officially my new girl crush. I don’t know if it was a PR stunt or not, but that is totally the way I would walk/stumble up the stairs if I ever won an Oscar. And Tatum… well, put Wentworth Miller in there instead and we’re talking. (Oh hey, someone forgot to watch Prison Break)! Second.. or 5th (I’m buzzed) Christoph Waltz if officially my new FILF! Yes, I just wrote that. Renee Zellweger (sp) can’t read and all the songs were lip synced. And where the hell was Simon Baker?

    Oh, and the dresses. YES to J.Law, Zoe Zaldana, Naomi Watts, Charlize Theron and Jessica Chastain.

    • I knowww I am the WORST and WILL catch up on Prison Break. I will! There is so much TV to watch it actually stresses me out. I need to reevaluate my life haha.

      I kiiind of didn’t hate Seth either, sssh. I thought the whole show was a little awkward and everyone seemed uncofortable but I didn’t find his jokes as horribly offensive as a lot of people did.

      I can’t admit to myself that JLaw was on purpose. She’s too cute! I need her to be my bff. ALSO: what is a FILF? A …Frenchman? haha should I know this?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s