Good morning, my beloveds! Did everyone have a nice Valentines Day? I wore red pants to work (the second time this week I wore those pants, shhhh) and invented a new VDay tradition that I am pretty excited about. I wanted to do something cute for my co-workers, since I am now the face and voice and body of Valentines Day Positivity, so I was trying to think of fun ideas. Everyone does candy and cupcakes and sweets and I don’t have enough money to buy diamonds or roses for all of my work buds, so I thought, what do I love most of all in this world?
Easy. Chips and dip!
So I invited a few of my colleagues to join me for a mid-afternoon snack break in my office “resplendent with chips, dip and romance.”
We ate our faces off, watched Justin Timberlake videos and listened to the Bodyguard Soundtrack.
Now THAT is love, my friends.
Speaking of romantic, last night Brian and I did prettttty much what we do every night, just with slightly more elaborate food and better underwear (sorry Mom). My gift to him was a home cooked chicken pot pie, something he’d been craving lately, and it was delicious. To really make things special I also wrote a romantic love poem about our meal:
A regular John Keats over here!
I thought of this dumb rhyme like two weeks ago and have been just laughing about it ever since. I slay myself. Good God, I am hilarious.
And that was my Valentine’s Day! Here’s what else was keeping it awkward this week:
This is my laundry bag, overflowing as always. I have to go to a laundry mat (laundromat? is that actually a word?) up the street from my apartment and always look REALLY cool strutting through the neighborhood with this pack on my back. This weekend I took a haul of dirty clothes and on my way to the laundrymat (Laundroplace?) I decided to stop into a bodega to get some juice which of course ended with me slamming this gigantic backpack of filthy clothes into the shelves and knocking over a few boxes of food and then I just ran out of the store without buying any juice because there was really no way I could make this situation work for me.
I can never go back there again.
Related: I would seriously chop off a limb to have laundry in my building. Just in my building! I don’t even need it inside my own apartment, just somewhere that does not require me to strap on this beast and walk around town.
New York, I love you, but you suck so hard sometimes.
I bought it at Marshall’s earlier this week on my lunch break (Treat Yo Self) and think it is just the cutest. I came back from my errands and filled a different cup with emergen-c, because I am an addict, and was sitting there, drinking my vitamins and catching up on my emails and thought “oh, while I’m sitting here, I’ll peel the price sticker off of the bottom of my mug, so I can use it later,” so I picked up my mug and turned it upside down, except WHOOPS I picked up the wrong cup, the one filled with emergen-c, and poured it all over my desk and pants.
And yes, I was wearing jeans to the office. I might be a lazy slob, but here’s what happens when I try to look cute:
Riddled with holes. I was beyond proud of myself on Monday, I wore a dress and HEELS to the office. Heels, you guys. High heels. Like a grown ass classy lady. Only I looked down partway through the day to realize that I had gigantic runs and holes creeping up my legs. I give up!
And that was my week! One fun thing about doing these weekly roundups, aside from the attention, obviously, is that I’ve started to notice some defining patterns in my life. I think if you had to sum up the three main themes in my One Awkward Life they would be Ripped Clothing, Pantyhose and Spilling Things On My Desk.
What would define YOUR life??
Everyone have a splendiforous weekend – a 3 day weekend for me, Holla George Washington!, and keep that VDay love alive!
xo Liz Ho