It’s Friday! I’m in a bad mood. Why? I can’t say, my friends, I just can’t say. Sometimes you feel like a nut… sometimes you feel like a cranky witch who just wants to go back to bed.
Let’s try to turn this frown upside down with some jokes! Here’s what was keeping it awkward this week:
This Drivers License:
Because it’s the same expired! license I travelled all the way to Pennsylvania to renew last weekend! Did you know that in Pennsylvania the DMV is open until 8 PM Monday through Friday but there is a separate office where you have to go get your photo taken, because THAT makes sense. The office is next door to the DMV and closes at 4:30 PM. I got into PA a little after 5, rushed to the DMV, looked like a fool and left. I can’t even begin to go into the millions of things that are whack with this system. I may be a disorganized mess but even I could run the DMV better than those fools are doing it. Pennsylvania, get your shit together! Soooo now my license is expired, the temporary license they sent me is expired, my passport is also expired for unrelated reasons and I’m basically an undocumented citizen. WHOOPS my bad!
That’s kind of a cute picture, though right? God, I’m good looking.
Because it’s a lot more graphic than the cutesy title might suggest. I have what you might call a sensitive stomach and a family history of gross gastrointestinal diseases so have finally decided to take control of my health and figure out what’s wrong with me. First step: documenting everything that goes into my body …and everything that comes out. You do NOT want to know what happened at 11:45 this morning, you guys. Trust me. I hope if I ever die a young, tragic death that this is published and becomes a world wide bestselling phenomenon. Like Anne Frank but with less Nazis and more chronic gas.
This Facebook Profile:
Because it’s so sad and lonely. I’ve realized that, in the sporadic instances when I do actually write here, the best way to get traffic and share my blog is via my facebook page. Since I’m at least pretending to take this whole blogging thing more seriously I decided to create a blog specific page so I can further spread the good news about how great I am and also not bog down my personal facebook timeline with blog updates. But there’s a flaw in the system and I can’t for the life of me link this blog to that facebook. Who knows what’s going on. I’ll fix it! For now, do feel free to “like” me on facebook, I promise I’ll figure it out soon! Clearly I’m super tech savvy – as you can see I had to google “how to take a screenshot” to even make this possible. Baby steps, you guys. Baby Steps.
Speaking of babies…
Because I have no idea who that child is, but I’ve been carrying her photo in my purse for over a month. WEIRD. It fell out of a used book I bought at The Strand (A Family History by Dani Shapiro HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!) and I put it in my purse for safekeeping and I guess I never took it out. Is that creepy? It feels a little creepy. But I feel bad throwing it out. What if this is some kind of Face on the Milk Carton situation and I was destined to find that photo and now I have to go rescue this girl from some kidnappers or something? That’s definitely a likely scenario so for now I’ll just hang onto this…
And there you have it, folks! A few anecdotes and images from my week. How was yours? Gearing up for Thanksgiving? I can’t wait to EAT! I feel like this holiday is going to give me a lot of great fodder for my food and poop journal, coming soon to a bookstore near you!