Happy Friday, my fine friends! How was your week? Mine was jam-packed and busy. I still don’t know what I’ll be slash do for Halloween this weekend, a fact that is stressing me out more than it should. I always win so hard at this holiday, how am I dropping the ball?? Luckily, today we have our corporate sponsored boozy costume party, which should be a raging success and hopefully ease my own personal failure. I can’t tell you what my work costume is yet but it does involve one of those inflatable donut shaped pillows that people sit on to soak their hemorrhoids in the tub. Pretttty sexy!
Without further ado, here’s what was keeping it awkward this week:
Which I’m assuming sells tarts but might want to reconsider their font. (Sidenote: Once Upon a Fart is so the title of my memoir.)
Polls are getting definitively penis shaped out in Ohio…
(From this article – I try to keep up with politics & all I can do is snicker and make wiener jokes. A true patriot.)
Because this week, much to my chagrin, I developed a debilitating Taylor Swift addiction. I find her so obnoxious but her music is so infectious and catchy and perfect and amazing. I think she might be a robot or an alien using sassy country pop revenge music to subdue us before her species comes and takes over the earth.
My new assistant purchased her new CD & burnt it for me, including track listings with her personal commentary (She finds Track 7 to be “meh” but at track 5 writes “I get goosebumps at 3:25, so sue me.”) You guys, I think we picked a winner here!
This Corporate Slogan
Because, ew, congrats?? I guess it’s great to be the best at whatever you do. Also the fact that this sign was posted inside a porta-john in the median of a busy Brooklyn thoroughfare and is probably for construction worker use only but sometimes you’ve been at the park all day and you just really have to go and don’t think you can make it home and it’s not that gross, guys, they are #1 at picking up #2, so…yeah.
And that’s my week in review! How was yours? Have a happy & safe Halloween if you celebrate it this weekend. Stay hydrated! Don’t take homemade candies, they’re filled with needles. And if you DO wear a pleather sailor girl outfit, I don’t want to know.