And One Happy List!

Woof! I was such a Grouchy Gertrude last week! But today is a new day, friends and everything’s coming up HoBags.  This afternoon I’m off to Baltimore for my 5-year college reunion and while I’m out of town, my boyfriend is moving from Philly to Brooklyn, barely a mile away from me.  No longer will I have to take the bolt bus to get laid! I mean, yes, this reunion is a sign of my impending old age and a reminder of the many things I have not yet accomplished and going from long distance to short distance means I have to shave my legs more than twice a month and maybe we’ll realize we actually can’t stand each other and break up and life will be horrible but I’m not dwelling on those things right now. Today I am a Positive Patty, a Happy Henrietta, an Optimistic Oksana…I could do this all day, folks.

To celebrate my grand mood and reverse any lingering negative energies from my last post, herewith is a not-nearly complete list, with very limited commentary, of a few very strange, very specific things that never fail to fill me with glee.

Small children wit]h eyeglasses. It is well documented here how much I love kiddos, but none of them are cuter to me than the the ones with glasses. Not little girls with curly hair or little black boys with miniature Timberlands, not even twins wearing matching footie pajamas. It’s the bespectacled ones who get me every time. My kiddos will have to inherit this trait from their father, as I have 20-10 vision which is, NBD, better than perfect. I wouldn’t be surprised to find me trolling local sperm banks for donors with genetic eye disorders. Love me dem lil four eyes!

And please don’t call the authorities, I swear I’m not a pedophile.

Watching old eps of Law & Order and spotting now famous guest stars before they hit it big. Above you can see William H. Macy on the stand, testifying that he did not rape those girls at the drug rehab center when in fact, he so did do that. William H! You devil. Or have you seen the one where Victor Garber (spoiler alert!) gets the death penalty for murdering his wife, or John Krasinksi as a high school basketball star/witness? Love it! And check this out

Biting cleanly into a Kraft Single so I can see my teeth marks. If I die in a tragic fire, I hope they use cheese to check my dental records.

When cute old men still wear hats when out on the town.

Or older African American women who still dress to the nines for church.

When my land lady, who is crazy, but in like, a good way, decorates our apartment for holidays…or whatever. Above is our apartment at Halloween. At Christmas time it was adorned with wreaths, lights, strange furry polar bears and garlands a-plenty. All year long she has it decked out with plaques bearing biblical quotes (Our God Is An Awesome God!) and hundreds of photos of the Obama family. I love that crazy broad. This weekend she’s getting married (congrats, gurrl) and here’s what she’s done to the place:

I die!

Ok that’s all for now! TAFN! Off to Bodymore Murderland with this girl. You Sassy Sallies have a fantastic weekend and feel free to share your own happies in the comments!
(Please! I assume it goes with out saying that my ultimate happy maker is attention.)

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