You see a lot of you know “real” bloggers accompany their posts with charming candid photos of themselves hangin’ out in stylish outfits,
so here is a photo of me, wearing my winter indoor wear and dumb hat. It’s slightly topical. You are welcome!
So listen. You don’t need me to state the obvious, this isn’t facebook (burn!), but winter is upon us. It is here. Baby, it is not warm outside.
Some people love the winter. Other people hate it. I generally come down on the side of No Thank You, but in the interest of fair and open-minded thinking and attempting to blog with more frequency, why don’t we just make a little list of all of the myriad good and bad things that Old Man Winter has to offer and rejoice in both the glory and the horror of this present season on earth. And now, without further ado:
Winter! The Pros and The Cons
Con: Everyone is so pale. Even if you’re a naturally pale individual, there’s something in the air in the doldrums of winter that just sucks all of the color and life out of your flesh until you are just white, like, beyond Edward Cullen level of pale, like an inhuman, dead blob monster.
Con: Every November, 5 – 10 lbs attach themselves to your hips and midsection and it is 100% impossible to lose weight in the winter. Look it up. It’s science.
Pro: No reason to be seen in a swimsuit or any sort of cropped topped apparel!
Pro: You basically never have to shave your legs.
Con: So, your girlfriend is probably a hairy monster at this point.
Con: Hats. Miserable! I look terrible in hats. I have a small, scrawny head and un-brushable, frizzy hair that is impossible to restyle once a hat has been donned and removed. Hats are just not my friend.
Pro: Maybe you are one of those assholes who looks cute and stylish in hats and can pull them off with aplomb. So I guess, then, hats might be a pro for you. GOOD FOR YOU.
Con: When the little fringy bits of your scarf get stuck in the zipper of your coat.
Pro: How delicious is a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs on a brisk evening? SO delicious.
Pro: See Also: Red wine.
Con: Death by frostbite.
Pro: Death by chocolate. This doesn’t really have anything to do with winter, I just always thought it seemed a pretty good way to go.
Con: Overheated apartment buildings. My landlady keeps our building at about 80 degrees at all times (probably needs climate control for all of those holiday decorations), to the point where I’m sleeping in shorts & t-shirts with the windows open in the middle of January.
Similar Con: The heat is so drying, my skin is basically peeling off of my body like some kind of molting snake or moisture starved magma rock or something.
Another Similar Con: Loud, clangy, bangy radiators.
Pro: I suppose we should be grateful for central heating…
Con: It gets dark at about 2 PM.
Con: Standing around in crowded bars holding your bulky coats and scarves and layers and such because, obvi, there are no available tables or coat hooks to be found.
Pro: ALLLLLL the more reason to just stay at home and go to bed early!
Pro: Control-top pantyhose. There’s something just so reassuring about knowing all of that winter white flab is locked in and secure. Not goin’ anywhere.
Con: Friends sharing photos from their mid-winter tropical vacations. The weather is there, I wish I were beautiful!
Neutral: Cotton, the fabric of our lives.
Pro: Snow, while falling and the first 3 hours of laying upon the ground.
Con: Snow, anytime from 3 hours until the final meltdown.
Pro: Ending on a pro, because I am an optimist: Adult Snow Days. Rare and beautiful things.
And on the subject of rare and beautiful, here is another stunning photo of me, acting cash in my loungewear. Arousing, I know.